Near the end of August 2010, I was strolling along the streets of downtown Houston, Texas. A feeling of awe overcame me at the sight of gray skyscrapers that loomed high above me blocking the scorching sun’s penetrating rays. I felt so small and insignificant next to these massive towers. I observed the hundreds of people that lined the streets; all of them rushing around, fulfilling their agendas, and going about their busy days. I felt so out of place here; I was not wearing a business suit, Texas A&M shirt, or Houston Astros baseball cap. Thoughts rushed through my head like the breeze that blew through the streets. I wondered why everything turned out they way they did…why I ended up here. Why was I not at college like all of my other graduated friends? Why was I not attending my dream school? Moving to Texas and declining admission to my dream school was not at all a part of my life’s agenda until very recently.
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| Yeah, we're cool. Be jealous. |
Nearly my whole life I had hoped and dreamed of becoming a freshman at Brigham Young University in the fall of 2010. I had planned out my college experience by the tenth grade with my friend, Emma, who also had the same hopes and dreams as me. We had everything precisely planned from our majors and minors to the cute decorations and stunning photography that would adorn our new apartment. We decided to run and work out at the gym each day to prevent a dreaded college diagnosis: The Freshman 15. We felt so anxious to begin college as this was a chance to live on our own away from home, start a new life with new people, and be whoever we wanted to be. Although I applied to several other universities as back up, actually attending any one of the other thousands of colleges in the United States seemed, quite frankly, completely out of the question in my mind. BYU was my ideal school, where I planned to graduate from, and where I hoped to someday meet my future husband. This perfect, concrete plan proved almost a dream come true as I checked my email one fantastic February evening.
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I could hardly comprehend what was happening amidst my friend’s ecstatic screaming through the phone and my own rush of excitement as I read and reread my long-anticipated acceptance letter to BYU. I immediately proclaimed the wonderful news to my family. This all seemed too good to be true! I hesitantly closed the window of the acceptance letter on the computer, crossed my fingers, and reopened it; to my relief, it still existed right before my eyes. The feeling was amazing as I realized that all my hard work in high school- all the late nights of studying for an AP U.S History exam or writing a long literary analysis paper that was never good enough for Mr. Lang- had finally paid off. I was going to BYU.
Obviously, that did not actually happen. Here I am in Texas—it is now the beginning of October. I am almost eighteen! I am a private school children’s piano teacher for a company called Tickled Ivories. I also just got back from Jamba Juice today where I filled out my work papers; I start working tomorrow. With my new Jamba Juice skillz I can have a smoothie-making contest with my dad, the Special Drink Master, when the family travels down for Christmas from Rexburg. Yes, you read that right, Rexburg! My family is packing up and moving across the country from North Carolina to Idaho. Even though I have finally come to terms with this fact and even feel quite happy about it, something in the back of my mind keeps wondering, “Who in their right mind would do that to themselves?!”. The answer is my family, and me.
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| Photo by my Dad |
I hate the cold just as much as my Dad hates reading books without pictures. It’s awful and pure torture! Temperatures in Idaho during the winter reach as low as the single digits…and even negative digits. This really scares me because I was shivering here in Houston when the cold front came through causing the temperature to drop to 65 degrees. Idaho will surely be a change from the South. Furthermore, the cultures in Rexburg and Durham differ quite substantially. Durham, also known as Bull City or the Dirty D, reminds me of the melting pot I learned about in Civics and Economics class. People of all different races, backgrounds, and religions live there. One of the most elite schools in the country, Duke University, lies in the center of the city along with the projects. It was this diversity that made my high school interesting, fun, and quite entertaining. It was also this diversity that made me fall in love with North Carolina. But now I have to move on and find something to love about Idaho because in January I will begin my college experience at BYU Idaho.
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| Photo by my Dad |
I applied to BYU Idaho simply because my Dad said I had to and because he was paying the application fee; I had no deeper reason for applying and no interest in attending. I was ecstatic about receiving admission to BYU Hawaii and BYU Provo and apathetic about receiving admission to BYU Idaho for the winter/spring track. A few weeks later, I received an unexpected email that announced a full tuition scholarship for two semesters at BYUI that I had been awarded. Almost as soon as I read the letter, I dismissed it and did not bother telling my parents about it because I was positive that I was going to BYU Provo. Nothing could change that.
A few weeks went by, and I still felt ardent about my concrete plan. However, that specific email still hiding and lingering in my email, could not hide or linger away from my mind. I eventually began to feel uneasy about my choice to ignore the offer of such a giant stack of money sitting in my inbox . I felt diminishingly fanatical and passionate about BYU and began to question my reasons and take a look at reality. Could I actually afford housing and tuition for four years at the Y? Absolutely not; I would definitely have to take out loans that I would probably be paying for years to come. Could the winter in Idaho really feel that much colder than the winter in Utah? Probably not. Could I transfer later and still achieve my dream of graduating from the Y? Sure, I could if I kept my grades up and got involved. I realized that the trip south to Provo was only five hours so I could still see my friends on the weekends. I began to think and question everything more and more.
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| Texas sky. So pretty! |
One day, I pushed aside my stubbornness and Cougar pride as I sat down to the computer. I checked behind me once or twice to ensure no one spied on me as I typed in BYUI’s website. As I explored the university’s webpage, I felt relieved and enlightened as my arrogance, doubts, prejudices, and ignorance drifted away like clouds drifting away to reveal the bright sun. There were actually some really fun things to do in Potato Land! I could play on the lacrosse team there, explore ice caves, hike, take a snowboarding class, go 4-wheeling at the sand dunes in the spring with my cousins, hang out with my family, go to Yellowstone and Jackson Hole, and much more. I decided that I could start considering the prospect of attending BYUI; if I had the chance to not have to pay for school, then why not at least make it a possible option?
Now I realize how ungrateful and naïve I acted about this scholarship. After many tears and discussions with my parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, and my Heavenly Father, I rethought my entire college plan and decided to take advantage of the wonderful opportunity that BYUI presented to me. This decision proved one of the most difficult, yet rewarding choices I have made thus far in my life.
I am in Houston now because I still wanted to have an adventure and move out like all the other college students leaving in the fall. Until I begin school in January, I am working two part time jobs to earn extra money to possibly use towards study abroad later. I am so excited to begin school at BYUI because I know I will love it. All that causes me to still hesitate about Idaho is the harsh winter, but I will enjoy the Texas heat while I’m here and cross over that bridge when I come to it.
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| Photo by my Dad |
As I tilt my head back and shade my eyes in order to view the glistening downtown skyscrapers towering above me, I imagine the snow glazed Teton Mountain vista I will gaze upon in January. I am not dressed in a Houston Astros baseball cap or a Texas A&M T-shirt; I may seem out of place here now. However, feelings of peace and understanding rush through me like the warm breeze that blows through the streets of Houston. I am grateful for all the amazing opportunities that BYU Idaho will graciously present to me in the months to come. I realize now that where I am in my life right now, is where I am meant to be; it is where I belong.
(Thanks to Jason Ray whose Confidence essay inspired me!)
